[video by theobanoth
original caption: You are invited to this frog’s birthday party]
(via nixpunk)
I don’t have paranormal experiences, I AM a paranormal experience.
Life goal: someone meeting me considers it an “encounter”.
(via jemeryl)
I made some spooky motivational art to remind you that even though it doesn’t always feel like it, you are going to kick this in the metaphorical ass.
(via grimoire-of-solace)
my family: oh look at you, NPR nerd, always listening to those informative podcasts of yours
Griffin McElroy, in my headphones: I’d fuck a jpeg
People who don’t want to read The Martian in case the science is too complicated should be informed that it contains the lines “The best way to store the ingredients of water is to make them be water”, “It is of course dangerous to set off an explosive device on a spacecraft”, and “If I cut a hole in the wall of the hab, the air won’t stay inside any more”.
I love this fucking book
“I’ve said the words kilowatt-hours-per-sol so many times they’ve lost all meaning so I’m going to call them pirate-ninjas.
“So I need to generate nine hundred pirate-ninjas…”
there’s an entire chapter dedicated to him wondering how the cubs are doing while he’s stuck on mars, dying
I like the part where the guys on Earth are like “He thinks we all gave up on him, and that he’s completely alone. I wonder what he’s thinking about right now.”
And he’s like “How come Aquaman can control whales?”Mark Watney is such a great example of how to teach to laymen. Andy Weir wrote a book about a man who basically gives the reader a 369 page science lesson and it’s literally never boring or too complicated or patronising. He uses language that is accessible to the reader, removes technical jargon, adds in humour and all without belittling the reader or making them feel stupid for being given the simplified explanation.
Plus the audiobook, narrated by R. C. Bray, is a masterpiece of voice acting. 10/10 may have listened to this 5 times this year.
(via do-you-have-a-flag)
I had to pee really bad and o forgot that I had just sliced jalapeño peppers and the chef is looking nice at me weird because I’m pouring milk on a rag and running to the bathroom
My dick has been on fire for over an hour
I told my chef what happened and he was like “you only make that mistake about fourteen times”
He tells me this story about this time he had gotten out of a chili class in which he had been cutting habenjero peppers all class and he goes back to his dorm and starts finger blasting his girlfriend and she stars SCREECHING.
She he fukin SPRINTS to the dorm prep kitchen and gets a gallon of heavy cream and runs back to the room. He starts pouring this shit all over her Cooze right, and she’s like shoveling cream into her hole. And he’s freaking out. Like he’s so sure that this chick is don’t with him forever.
So they deal with this thing and the cream works and he’s like massaging it into her pussy for like a half an hour because you have to constantly soak it to nullify the habenjero oils or whatever. And she gets INTO IT.
She fucking CUMS
And my chef tells me this stupid ass story and looks me in the eye and says to me
“Nothing says I love you like a gallon of heavy cream in her pussy”
And I think that’s the best sentence I’ve ever heard in my entire life.
Yes good story but WHY IS IT IN LIKE 8 DIFFERENT PARTS DO YOU KNOW WHAT PARAGRAPHS ARE.
ITS THIS. YOU COULD HAVE DONE THIS.
SOMETIMES PEOPLE ARE AT WORK AND CANT POST EVERYTHING AT ONE TIME FUCK OFF
its serialized. he’s a modern day dickens
(via nixpunk)
